Mental Anarchy and Discord

How often has one faced this situation when one’s mental status is in utter disarray,
an internal conflict rages that paralyzes ones own intellect and normal reason,
an utter pandemonium, fear, wrath, feelings of doom over powers an individual.
Putting it all in lay terms, the Brain is simply on FIRE.
I have often faced situations like this, perhaps it is more to related to my Anxiety disorder,
the features are similar or perhaps its the manifestation of the same disarrangements,
one potentiating the other. Hot topics are too explosive to digest, they are simply unpalatable and extremely difficult to deal with. A spark ignites the fire and it rages far and wide, enveloping the entire conscience until you are so distressed with both your mental heat and physical symptoms of chest tightness, breathlessness and hovering chest pain.
The issues in the brain are totally unfounded, later turn out to be totally trivial in nature, but at the time of fire it all dooms oneself, with a feeling of complete failure which is unacceptable, this provokes more anger and fire, and internal conflict and anarchy ensues, normal judgments and ethics are severely compromised, one gets overwhelmed with this discord. In such a state violent thinking seems to calm the mind falsely, one feels one should have ultimate power so it can suppress its foes with an iron fist with full brutality and merciless actions, A holocaust, you dare you could be better than Hitler in tyranny and genocides.
Sounds so scary, but this is how a completely peaceful individual can become in such situations.
Actually the person is completely paralyzed of his senses, the evil purges out and every trivial issue is an abomination to spark further rage.
Sadly I have to write this all, as I am a victim of such episodes of Anarchist Brain.
I often drown into this, and I so hate it, I hope one day I can overcome it.
A hot political topic, an emotional argument or a conflict with parents regarding my future, all leads to such pandemonium, a juggernaut unstoppable, till it dies down itself.


~ by Dr.Zhivago on December 23, 2007.

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